Monday, September 17, 2007

Insecure.

In the course of life (and I speak with all the aged wisdom of a 23-year old) things become unpredictable more often. But this is not to be a final conclusion or a simplified assumption. I’m only saying that when you are young(er) you do not plan things (you dream things) and things happen to you and you do not stop to think of its meaning for you are enjoying yourself to the full. When you are old(er) you plan things and things may happen or may not, and when they do not you lose a slice of a sense of control and predictability over your life.

A major (major!) glitch in my plans happened this morning. I have been telling myself that if this happens I would be perfectly alright and under control and I would simply “pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again” as Diana Krall or whoever it was who created that song puts it. So it happened, and with it came the realization that I have never been good at dealing with failures. The taste is like a bludgeon made of iron which floors you and knocks the breath out of your lungs. And suddenly you feel, for a fraction of a while, like you don’t really know where you’re going and what you are capable of doing. And then the fraction of a while lasts a little longer.

And because life is a joke, my calendar of proverbs, a flimsy thing which I got from a friend who got it from a friend’s wedding, today says: “A great person is a person who successfully rises after a fall”.

Cheers to me being a great person. Maybe in another fraction of a while.

12 comments:

leave said...

meh, life's a bitch Teez, cliche I know, we're nothing but human beings dreaming of creating plan(s) for our pathetic lifes and God have the massive power to make it happen or not... you know what? I'm back.. back in becoming a sarcastic person as in the past. hell I even have a crazy plan of running away from my previous life. I hate it so much! I dont know what to do, and specially, I dont have anyone to share since I just lost my trust to everyone I know. and the worst thing is, I'm beginning to hate myself, and I hate the taste of what I might become in the future. wish I was a bird... I wish today is the end of the world.. too bad you're not here to witness how my world ends :)

Anonymous said...

like they say Teez, life is like a d*ck. when it's hard, fcuk it.

hang in there ;)

Anonymous said...

lol, never heard that one, life is like a dick, when it's hard fuck it. LOL. i think it should be more like, when it's hard, face it, don't run away from it. but that wouldn't make it seem like a dick anymore would it ;p

Anonymous said...

love the quote, miund!... you know, you can actually make cool t-shirts with that.

Anonymous said...

anon: lol. well, in my logic... fucking it means facing it. seriously, how do you do the deed if you run away from it? see i think it's where the americans got the expression wrongly. HAHAHAAHA!

Anonymous said...

well, fucking per se obviously requires you to face whoever you fuck, but this is exactly why "fuck it!" has been embodied as a colloquial expression, rather than two litteral words with no particular meaning behind them. Otherwise people won't use them to express their idea about how shitty life can be, will they?

and I don't believe that has anything to do with americans getting the expression wrongly, as we all who speak english understand that "fuck it" refers to the colloquial sense as opposed to the litteral sense, irrespective of what our nationalities are, do we not? ;)

Anonymous said...

awwwh...can't we leave comments using 2 different anonymous here?!...i got 1st anonymous, ok?!...
--anon. 1

Anonymous said...

lol, why is this particular page eventually full of anonymous-es commenting on issues which are completely irrelevant to the title??

Teez said...

Dear Anon Number... uh... above,

I was wondering exactly the same thing.

But while we're at it, I don't suppose any of you anonymouses know the history of "fuck"? I've heard several incredible versions so far, and still doubt it. I'll treat you for the best version ;p

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to a new post on that one ;)

Rob Baiton said...

There is a whole paper on the history of the word "fuck" in US case law, very interesting...

You can access it through http://papers.ssrn.com and then do a search for "fuck"...Happy Reading!

So, if I put the word fuck in inverted commas or quotation marks is it no longer offensive?

Cheers

Rob Baiton said...

Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back to it! You are young and full of promise and potential and having read some of your other blog entries not short on confidence either :)

The quote to which you refer has been attributed to lots of people but on of the better versions is from Theodore Roosevelt! But the gist of it is that it is not the falling off the horse that matters but the courage to get back on and start riding again!

Where you are now is a stepping stone to other things...it is not the destination that is important but rather the journey. It is the journey that will make you the successful, and probably famous(hopefully not too infamous), person that you are destined to become - keep the focus! You are one of the most focused people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting - Now back on the horse!