Reviewing ass-ets.

The subject of butts have cropped up more than once in my conversations with bf. This is entirely my fault as I am rather self-conscious in the rear end of things.

“Did you see her butt?” I would say.

“Huh?”

“Her butt looked totally awesome. Did you notice?”

“No. Do you want me to notice other girl’s butts?” he said. And I couldn’t decipher whether or not there was a hopeful tone to his question.

“Yes but only in order to tell me when you find one that looks like mine so I know what mine actually looks like.”

“Your butt is totally hot, honey” he said in a we've-gone-through-this-before tone.

“Are you being subjective?”

“Yes.”

“You see. You have to be objective about these things. I need to know.”

“Well then I’m the wrong person to ask. If a girl with a gorgeous butt asks her boyfriend her boyfriend would say ‘your butt is totally hot, honey’. If a girl with an ugly butt asks her boyfriend he would say ‘your butt is totally hot, honey’. The man will have been blinded. If you want the truth, you need to ask a gay friend.”

I pondered this new development.

“My gay friend already said my butt was so-so...” I said bleakly.

That was a very sad moment.

Dessert.

Over the weekend we had a BBQ party where everybody had to contribute something homemade, so I announced (with a bit of grandeur), that I was contributing a Mango-Green Tea Sorbet for dessert.

Said brother : Awesome! Where will you buy it?
Said friend : I hope you don’t mean Mango-Green Tea flavored es grosok.
Said boyfriend : Be honest now. Is somebody helping you make it?

You can see I received a lot of encouragement. That is entirely fair, you say. I can multitask and I can probably figure out why the Middle East conflicts keep escalating. But I simply don’t cook. ‘Domestic Goddess’ would be something to describe what I’m not.

Needless to say I was determined. I had googled the recipe and chosen the one with high ratings. I had fantasized about the … garnish. I had tasked mother to get the ingredients. The maid was on duty to peel the mangoes. I was ready for anything.

So I followed the simple recipe carefully and I must say I think it was almost a success. The taste (as the audience affirmed) was awesome. The only thing is it became more of a Mango-Green Tea smoothie rather than sorbet, but then again, that’s not my fault. The fridge wasn’t high-tech enough, you see. Neither was the blender. It’s hard to be creative with all these constraints. *sigh*

Yang penting penampilan !

Conversation with pervert colleague

When the President is receiving a visit from an official of another country I am occasionally assigned to “stand by” for an indefinite amount of time outside the meeting room in case the boss needs anything immediate. Accompanying me on this exhilarating mission are other people on “stand by” mode: bodyguards and photographers.

I had initially brought with me something to read but abandoned it on the merit that an acquaintance attempted a conversation and it is considered rude to prefer work over fake conversation. So after the usual default greetings, the conversation took a sudden turn as follows:

"You’re really sexy. Why are you so sexy?"
Having managed a couple of forced chuckles, I replied …. “Gue gitu loh” (there is no English expression for that)
"Have you married?" (using the indo word for marriage which could also mean sex)
"No."
"Oh, I meant, have you married?" (using the proper and unambiguous word for marriage)
"No."
"Well you don’t need to wait for marriage to have sex these days right. So many girls do it. I mean, I would know."
I desperately cast glances at the time.
"So have you had sex?"
Trying to sound completely calm, I said, “That’s none of your business”
And he snorts with laughter.

Such are the fruits of my being conversational and jovial. I manage to inch away while he was busy bluetoothing Tamara Blezynski’s sex-video to a couple of other guys on stand-by.

I should be reporting him to HRD. No wait, we don’t have HRD.
Shit.

Wait just a minute.

It is a Sunday night and I am thinking back to what might be the highlight of my past week. Because, I need a justification for procrastinating my self-inflicted study schedule. Thinking positive things is productive (so say personality development gurus), and is at any rate better than watching porn (which was my second choice for procrastination). Shocked, you say? Well who says girls can’t watch a good dose of porn every once in a while, eh?

Anyways, didn’t do that.

I sifted through various moments and then finally hit upon one which I never really thought much of until just this very minute. It was the moment I discovered I’m getting paid for my article that got published on The Jakarta Post, which officially makes it a milestone in my life for being my Very First Professionally Paid Publication! That’s like a dream come true, that is.

Funny it took me a week to figure that out.

And I succumb to quizes...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

...aaand I regretted taking this one :(

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Come one everyone, take a break from your miserable lives and just take the friggin' quiz.

Ujung Kulon

Went on an adventure trip to Ujung Kulon over the weekend, which is an island off the western tip of Java. This involves a 6 hour car-ride to a fishing village on the edge of West Java which serves as our port, a 10 minute dodgy canoe ride to our wooden motor boat, which we then ride for 3 hours to Ujung Kulon. It was blazing hot and then raining hard in between, so we arrived wet. Once there we walked through miles of dense forestry to watch the sunset drop while the waves bubbled froth upon the rocky beach. And then we trudged back through the forest in the spooky darkness, our torches twinkling and the night crickets accompanying our tired breathing.

The next day we left early on our wooden boat to the other side of the island, dropped anchor and canoed to shore. Shore was not a sandy white beach but was instead a rocky cliff which we had to climb, leading us immediately into dense forest to follow a tiny foot track which went up and down, through giant palm-like shrubs, over huge dead logs, through sandy beaches, back into forests, through shallow downstream rivers, out again into beaches strewn with shells and dead corals, back into forests, out again into beaches strewn with large pebbles and into blaring heat from the sun. Our destination was a wide open beach overshadowed by a giant cliff overlooking the sea dotted by huge boulders of rock: simply breathtaking view. We bought tons of fresh lobsters from a lone fisherman on the beach and cooked them on a woodfire. We cracked them open with stones and ate them steaming hot with sea salt. We thought this was the climax of the day.

On our (very long) way back to the boat we discovered the tide had risen and was now crashing furiously on the rocks, also threatening to do the same to the canoe. So we had to swim back to the boat guided by a single rope we held on to tightly. On the boat, while we were sleeping out of exhaustion, one of our friends fell overboard and had to be rescued (and amazingly managed to keep his sunglasses intact, which he didn’t hesitate to brag about). Back on our own corner of the island, we swam in the clear sparkling sea and made sandcastles on the white sandy beach till dusk. And that, was the climax of the day.

Plenty more adventures on our way back to Jakarta, but will stop here and leave you with pictures of the things I saw during the most adventurous holiday I’ve had in a long time.

hundreds of tiny fish are trapped on dry sand as the tide pulls away too fast
















resting by the entrance to the sacred Sanghiang Sirah Cave by the beach.





















sailing in the sunrise on Sunda Strait.

















insomniac reindeer on the beach accompanies us on our last night.





















sunset on the rocks at Copong Beach.