moving along

Work is tiring! It is hard, but I asked for it so I can't complain. Not even when I'm working with the caffeinated sluggish intentness of a truck driver on a highway at midnight. Stay alert stay alert keep going. But most importantly a sense of satisfaction permeates the layers of exhaustion, and this is because (a) the more I learn the more I know that I do not know, and (b) the more I work the more I bill.

Can one imagine what it is like to be a civil servant in the lower levels of echelonhood behind a cluttered desk in a dilapidated department reading newspapers till lunchtime? I have seen and experienced it with my own eyes. They feel and act as if the world needs them, and therefore the world can wait for them. They work for bosses instead of leaders. They work according to an order instead of a system. The difference is this: bosses tell you what to do, leaders tell you what to achieve. Bosses order you around, leaders give you a sense of direction. It makes a world (and nation) of difference. Everybody needs a good reason to do a good job.

Oh the bittersweetness of this country throws my mind into a turmoil of sorts, and my emotions torn between patriotism and apathy. But you will not hear or see me throwing columns of self-righteous criticism against the government. If I find a brainwave solution I shall act upon it. If I don't I shall shut up and keep making money.

Seperti apakah orang yang pandai bersyukur? Saya terpikat. Saya mendekat. Saya mencoba. Saya mengerti. Saya senang. Saya merasa sudah sepantasnya saya bersyukur. Tanpa bertanya mengapa. Seperti alang-alang yang tidak bertanya mengapa ia harus merunduk bila ditiup angin. Alang-alang yang liar tapi tidak bisa berpindah. Nrimo. Bersyukur. Bersyukur supaya selamat dunia dan akhirat. Bersyukur supaya berkah. Bersyukur supaya kaya dan punya keluarga bahagia dan mati tenang.

Mungkin saya tidak pandai bersyukur. Mungkin juga saya tidak betah tidak mencari.