Silence.

It is frightening how silence hurts more than words. Even if I closed my ears I still couldn’t shut out the lack of noise. I am scared beyond measure and nauseous.

The mystery of prestige.

The best thing about working here is the fact that people are impressed.

My business card and the business-email address have been the subject of dramatic reactions amongst friends, most eloquent of which was, “omigosh you should get this framed!” (Speaking of frames, my mother had insisted on framing my picture with the big boss and sending one to each of her siblings, much to my embarrassment. Don’t worry I promise you won’t see it on facebook). Others are impressed with my car-sticker that allows me to go through the 3-in-1 alone (government perks, heheh, don’t you civilians just hate that?)

So it was that when I met a friend and casually told her I was getting a new job next year, her eyes almost popped out and she gasped, “Why??” And of course, the dreaded subsequent question which quickly followed, “Where are you going next?”

I can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with the reactions. Apparently, future job (albeit in my view a very distinguished profession) does not generate the same kind of excitement and awe as current job, because you can find a million people doing future job.

So I explained a simplified version of my reasons to said friend, but while doing so felt slightly irritated that I had to explain myself at all. It was obviously a well thought-out decision, one that I’m excited about making, but it’s tiresome that I need to actually explain those reasons to everyone I know just because it’s less impressive.

As for myself, I’m pretty sure the one thing I’ll miss most about this job is blogging (and having the time to blog) about it.

Marriage: Mass Parrty in a Package

Every girl (I stress this in the hopes of impressing upon dear reader the arguable assumption that following thoughts are perfectly common), has thought about her future wedding. It should not be translated to mean that her wedding is imminent, or that she is impatient for it, or that she is hopelessly romantic. It is simply a girly naturalness. It’s just that some girls are more secretive about it than others, as I have been until the moment I press “post” on my blogger dashboard.

In my entire life in this country, I have been to only two weddings which I have actually enjoyed, one was at a coffee plantation resort in Central Java overlooking hills and valleys, and the other was last night at an upscale restaurant in Jakarta where the female guests’ dress code was white/champagne. The two weddings had only one thing in common: the invitees did not exceed 200 people. Other weddings? perhaps thousands of invitees, including the relative of the relative of the relative, and the siblings' friends and siblings’ friends’ boyfriends.

So last night, in my champagne coloured dress and a glass of champagne in hand, I had genuine fun and met a lot of people I actually knew and could chat with. And then I thought, “I want my wedding to be like this.” But I doubted the possibility, because if I only invite 200 people, some 800 people I don’t know just might get offended.