Lessons in Typing

The secretary informed me that I needed to fill the travel form using the typewriter.

I stared at her in horror. The typewriter?

The typewriter, is the dinosaur of computers. In some countries, it is fossilized and placed in museums. It has buttons instead of a keyboard. And when you mis-type, you cannot delete.

That is practically all I knew about typewriters. I approached the “thing” doubtfully and fiddled around with it for a minute or two. It made shocking loud jabbing noises as I pressed the buttons. At this point the office boy passed by and noticed my bewilderment.

“You need help?” he said.

“Umm… yes. Where does the paper go?”

He ended up giving me a full course on typewriting.
And then he completely re-did my work (either by kindness or exasperation) because it was too blotched up.

*picture taken from www.lomography.com

sick-leave

My third day of sick-leave from office. Upon notifying my boss via sms he replied, “Sure, have fun today at the amusement park.” His satirical humour is quite off-beat.

I should be feeling sorry for myself, as I am confined to bed rest for the entire day without even being able to sleep due to a very annoying cough and without being able to breathe due to a nose malfunction (i.e. noses are supposed to channel air. Mine channels mucus.) This morning mom dragged me out of bed and out into the front garden, waving her arms about and yelling, “Breathe! Breathe the fresh morning air! It’ll make you feel better!”

I just looked at her and tottered back indoors to get my tissue roll.

So I should be feeling sorry for myself. But instead I feel guilty for abandoning the office for three whole days. “This is just wrong”, says somewhat-devil on my right shoulder. “It is just completely wrong that you feel it’s wrong”, says certified-devil on my left shoulder.

I call up my colleague.

“How do I sound?” I croaked.
“You sound great!”
I cough a few times.
“Oh no…. you sound not so great.”
“Thank you.” I said, “Do you think I should come in work today?”
“Well… umm, it’s up to you really, how do you feel?
“I feel I might annoy people with my constant coughing.”
“Well then you shouldn’t come. Yesterday Vice-Boss already annoyed everyone by leaving at 1pm because he said he had cholesterol-disease.”

*Pop!* went the somewhat-devil on my right to oblivion. That just did it. This had to be the best excuse Vice-Boss had come up with to date. Cholesterol disease! It’s brilliant. Everybody knows that if you go home early and rest your cholesterol would be immediately cured.

If my imbecile Vice-Boss can get away with cholesterol, I sure as hell am entitled to bed rest with a nasty flu.