I grabbed at the chance to escape, ironically provided by mum yelling at me that I hardly ever help around the house, and that no wonder my butt is so wide. Nice, I thought. So I took off and went upstairs to get the laundry. The rooftop was secluded, the sky a gloomy colour, a fretful morning breeze played at my thin hairstrands. Then suddenly, without warning, exhaustion came over in a rising tide. I stood for awhile staring at my colourful panties, dried, dancing in the breeze. Thinking. Maybe. Or just feeling the tide.
I can’t decide whether I’d rather stay home with her or away from her. Home--> constant guidance. Away--> freedom to try Life on for size.
I can’t decide whether I love socializing or not. Mostly I’m just trying to fit in with the world. Absurdly pretentious.
I can’t understand why I don’t understand. I thought everything was just a learnable skill.

My darling squeezes a tangle of thoughts out of my head, sorts them out, and looks at them with a concerned frown dead center of his forehead where his eyebrows meet.
“Have you found a solution?”, he asks.
“No…”
“Well let me help you…”, he says, tenderly, “I mean, let me google one for you.”

Caught me off guard, that one did. Immediate thoughts were:
- Men. Always offering solutions. *amused*
- It’s so soothing to know you could always rely on one voice of reason in a turmoil of emotion. Rather than some smart-ass who wants to look like they’ve got answers for everything. Whoops, sounds like me.
- I find it hard to dispute that Google’s got answers for everything.

A blog's birthday

“Happy first birthday, blog”
“Why thankyou Teez”
“A good year it has been, I hope?”
“Astounding I might say… inflected, just as it should be”
“Really, how so?”
“Paradoxical, more like it… quite bizarre”
“Elaborate!”
“Well, life would sometimes become so consistently interesting it no longer became interesting, and other times it would be so constantly boring it became quite amusing”
“Interesting indeed. Is that good or bad?”
“Good I suppose. The year started with a breakup and a failure, and is now… well the exact opposite you might say.”
“I see. Hey… umm don’t you ever feel… at loss of words… sometimes?”
“Yeah. But you should know that better Teez, you’re in love ;)”

And Teez, surprised at how blunt Blog’s sharp analysis was, could only turn away and blush.
*blush*

p.s.: welcome to the real world, young woman- everyday is a choice and each one defines you.

Funny. So many thoughts, so little time... and when the time comes the mind goes blank. Lost in the indescribable comfort, maybe. Like a warm blanket that quietens the voices in my head. It suddenly occurred to me this morning that it would be nice to stay instead. Spend a 5 month celebration here wrapped in comfort. What am i to do with these questions. With the voices continually asking, giving choices, offering opportunities. I need to talk. With you. I guess i'm not so self-sufficient after all. Funny.