Japan on my mind

Next Saturday will be the announcement for who gets to go to the mooting competition in Japan. I’m feeling sick and nervous just thinking about it. Plus I don’t feel like I’ll be selected. My last session was atrocious, I couldn’t remember article 36 of the UN Charter and I stood there looking like I wanted to cry. I so want to go. But I’m not sure I’ve proved myself worthy enough. After the session Tory rounded up on me and told me not to take it so hard. That mistakes happen and they make you stronger, so I should just pick myself up and do better next time. Except in my mind that was my last chance before the selection and I screwed it.
But anyway, Tory is an exceptional Irish lady and I’ve learnt a lot these past few weeks. There was this one weird session. I had gotten up for a one-minute speech, begun a few sentences, then I got interrupted.
Tory goes: “Have you ever been pissed? What do you do when you’re pissed?”
“Umm…. I… write?”
“Have you ever been pissed at someone and told them to fuck off?”
“Umm… yes…”
“I want you to do that to me now. I want you to tell me to fuck off.”
“Literally ??”
“Yes. Come on, I’ve been a bitch. I’ve given you countless assignments, I’ve kept you up till late at night. This is your chance to get pissed at me and tell me to just fuck off Tory.”

I laughed. This was unbelievable.

“Fuck off”, I said.
“With feeling !”
“Fuck off !”
“Say it like you mean it !”
“Fuck off !”
“Don’t smile while you’re saying it !”
“Fuck you !”
“Come on woman ! You can do better than that !!”
“Fuck you ! FUCK OFF !!”
Then she goes: “I want the rest of you to keep pissing her off a lot when you’re together. You’re a smart, intelligent lady, so why are you standing there looking apologetic? I want you to wipe out that sweet and gentle manner. You’re good but you lack a certain edge. Once you get that edge, you’ll move from good to excellent.”
She nods her head in the direction of my seat and I just leave the podium and sit.
Stunned. And curiously exhausted.