Inevitably, there comes a time when more and more of your friends are getting married. It is announced, you are surprised. Your friend is as young as you feel you are. You give hearty congratulations, still unbelieving. And then you ask, “Are you sure?” Your friend says, “I’m sure. It’s time to move on in life.” And suddenly, just like that, your friend transforms into an adult you’ve never noticed before.
Women are… very women about marriage. Most of the women I talk to are either complaining that their biological clock is ticking, or complaining that married life is such a burden. It is exasperating. Women should be taught how to make up their minds. But before I start abusing my own gender (again), let’s look in the mirror for a minute. Darn, a pimple! But my hair looks perfect. Sorry, where were we? Ah yes. Marriage.
I am undecided about how I feel. So is my mother. She can say “girls shouldn’t date too long, it’s not good, it’s better to be married soon rather than have a prolonged dating game, but after marriage girls will have to limit themselves and their career to take care of the household.” That, in my view, is two completely different choices and the same sentiment. I couldn’t help but notice the tone of resignation, the lack of options, the choosing between two evils attitude.
I do not want to be an old spinster. But I do not want to limit my career. If I ever have children, I would want them to receive my full attention. But the career I am dreaming to achieve will require long working hours and higher education overseas. I wouldn’t feel complete if I wasn’t independent and confident about my achievements. Somewhere along the way I also wouldn’t feel complete if I didn’t have my own family.
Nobody has yet given me a satisfactory answer on how to balance the two. For the moment it is an impossible choice to make. Perhaps it is fortunate that I don’t need to make that choice just yet. But perhaps the sooner I figure it out the better.
Women are… very women about marriage. Most of the women I talk to are either complaining that their biological clock is ticking, or complaining that married life is such a burden. It is exasperating. Women should be taught how to make up their minds. But before I start abusing my own gender (again), let’s look in the mirror for a minute. Darn, a pimple! But my hair looks perfect. Sorry, where were we? Ah yes. Marriage.
I am undecided about how I feel. So is my mother. She can say “girls shouldn’t date too long, it’s not good, it’s better to be married soon rather than have a prolonged dating game, but after marriage girls will have to limit themselves and their career to take care of the household.” That, in my view, is two completely different choices and the same sentiment. I couldn’t help but notice the tone of resignation, the lack of options, the choosing between two evils attitude.
I do not want to be an old spinster. But I do not want to limit my career. If I ever have children, I would want them to receive my full attention. But the career I am dreaming to achieve will require long working hours and higher education overseas. I wouldn’t feel complete if I wasn’t independent and confident about my achievements. Somewhere along the way I also wouldn’t feel complete if I didn’t have my own family.
Nobody has yet given me a satisfactory answer on how to balance the two. For the moment it is an impossible choice to make. Perhaps it is fortunate that I don’t need to make that choice just yet. But perhaps the sooner I figure it out the better.
4 comments:
ah...yes...the M word...that, takes long deep contemplations, staring into empty space..with cups and cups of espresso/cappucino/whatever filling in the blanks..
I'm beginning to think that maybe you never actually know...
either you do it, or you don't.
my .02...
It is a balancing effort for women and for men when it is all said and done.
If you are looking at furthering your education now is a good time...
On the biological clock thing... people are living longer and women are having children later...
My advice, wanted or not, is do your thing! The marriage stuff will work itself out and the ebst advice in the world is to "cross those bridges when you come to them!"
You simply do not know the exact path you are going to take to your destination (although you strike as a person who knows where she is headed) so let the magic of life and universe lead you.
It is challenging and fun not to know the future, except where someone has next weeks lottery numbers, if I am going to know what my future holds I may as well be rich when I get there!
ahem.
let's see... there will always be balance in everything, including marriage and work. you'll find it even when it seems too hard to look for.
now don't i sound like a true libran?
;)
I think marriage, household and kids should come first, in order for you to experience being a woman. The earlier you start on this, the better. The window of opportunity gets smaller as the clock ticks. Trust me.
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