I serve a public funktion.

One of the first autodidact lessons learnt at my office is to smile at people. Of course this is a general social-skill rule, but here it is promoted to a higher, more significant level. It is a professional code of conduct, a survival kit. Indeed my colleague, esteemed and popular around here, goes so far as to shake hands with everybody he meets. This confused me for a bit. I was wondering why he was shaking hands with people he met almost every day. But people dig it. So it was cool.

I taught myself a fairly acceptable default smile. I stayed off the handshakes.

The second lesson: being fashionable is not recommended. Nothing sexy, catchy, or expensive. There is far too great a risk of uniformed civil servants eyeing your outfit with envy. My other colleague thinks of it differently. He says “this shit-hole doesn’t deserve my Zara shoes”. But I think at least I deserve my nice heels. (That’s the difference I guess between men and women. But let’s not go there). So I keep my heels and keep an ugly pair of flats under my desk, just in case.

And so I live my days. Now wavering completely off topic, suddenly today I get a text message from a colleague in my previous office, the consulting firm. It goes like this:

“... Paaahty peeps listen up… do u ever get tired of the same old songs? Do you get a sick feeling when u hear a luv generation for the gazillionth time? Well here’s the deal: we’re changing things up this weekend. The event is ‘FUNKTION’ @PUBLIC this Saturday the 26^th. DANCEFLO productions be bringin u 100% funk music, with yo funkay ass DJs Mikey and David J. Dresscode is –‘my fine-ass self’. Bring the gud vibes, and share in one of J-town’s few attempts to bring sumthing fresh to the table. Support the music, get ur drink on, and most importantly… get funkd up. C u on the danceflo …”

Oh how I miss my previous office.