I’ve never told this story before.
I’m not a feminist.
I friend of mine said, “Really? Why?”
“I don’t need to be,” I said. He laughed and said that was such a feminist answer.
The truth is, as far as I can remember, my greatest annoyances have always been female. The male gender disappoint in that they break your heart or naively say you look fatter. I can deal with that.
Females, on the other hand, can be truly damaging. They can be really nice. Then, behind your back, they can decide to dislike you for a particular obscure reason. Then they can point the fact out to female companions with a bit of exaggeration, garner public opinion to support her view, and suddenly create an army of people who will scrutinize this once unperceived element and decide to dislike you as a whole. It’s just like politics. The consequence of this is that the victim, whether or not it was fair that she was a victim, will feel outnumbered and marginalized. The victim, whether or not she truly has a serious defect of character, will wonder whether she has a serious defect of character. I’ve met tons of these women throughout my life. It’s unfair and it seems as if they have nothing better to do. It’s amazing that their lack of confidence can be manipulated so as to make the rival feel unconfident also.
This is an accumulated disappointment that I’ve never expressed before. This involves my seniors in high school who told me to “change my face” because they didn’t like it. This involves years and years of trying to fit in with the groupie vivacious girls because they were so popular. This involves a lifetime of putting up with a culture where it’s best to hide your skills to avoid envy and to ‘blend’. This involves a woman 10 years older than me who I used to look up to, hysterically chastising me because I treated her like an equal.
As a result, the percentage of men I trusted was always bigger than the women. I always felt more confident that they’d be pretty cool with the things I do or say, and felt more comfortable about giving them logical advice if they asked for it. If they disliked me I always got to know why. Men are pretty reasonable.
1 comment:
hahaha...very 'javanese' indeed. a smile in front, and a sword behind their back. i, fortunately and thankfully, rarely deal with this problem. As a huge supporter of devil's advocate, if you are one of these girls, ask yourself- would you want to be a friend of yourself? what kind of a friend would they want? If that fails, then you shouldn't mind- after all, whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.
gg
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