Lebaran

The day is sweltering hot. It is quite insane in its own right.
The family is as usual. Just more offspring than last year.
The food is default. Rich fatty stew with coconut milk.
The elders look old. Some age gracefully, some don’t.
Some seem trapped in a stale attitude which was perhaps attractive or passable at some point in their lives, but no longer. It is too ingrained for them to change. I wonder whether I will age gracefully.
I will probably not bother with the tiny children of nephews and nieces coming to visit. I will probably skip town and go traveling instead.
Or maybe I wouldn’t, because I would have already traveled far and wide, and I would want to just be useful to others, and family.
That would be aging gracefully, wouldn’t it.

I don’t want to grow old and unattractive.
It scared me today. I don’t want to be like everybody else.
“But eventually you will”, said bf, “Inevitably you will lose beauty and lose sex appeal, but something else will appear to replace that.”
And of course he is right.
I want to be permanently attractive, no matter what age does to my physique.