spits and swallows.

My mother always taught me how to be sure that a guy really loves you. To put it briefly, the symptoms are the guy would do anything for you.

Back in her days, she would have numerous guys calling on her. They would write her poems, or bring her fruit baskets that are large enough to go around all 11 members of her family. She never lifted a finger, she said, never called them back, never asked them out, never gave them promises, but they kept coming nonetheless. And the most resilient, most persistent man became my dad. Because if you go soft on them, she warned in an energetic oratory, if you serve them and lull them with the convenience of your generosity and submissiveness, you will never know how far they would go for you. You would be trapped with a man that would not treat you the way a girl deserves to be treated. It is Woman’s Destiny, she says. We must be passive.

I always thought that I thought the advice was lame. You know those stories where teenage girls are determined not to end up like their mothers and suddenly sometime in their adult life find themselves acting exactly like mom? Well… there you go. I think as the questions become more complicated, you have only two choices: do as you were told its best to do, or invent your own untested formula. And that’s where all this storm inside is coming from.